We can say:
The dress is a size 12.
The dress is in a size 12.
The dress comes in a size 12.
We have this dress in a size 12.
My question is:
What does the preposition "in" in "I’m looking for a sweater in a size medium" mean?
Answer
When an article of clothing, or any object, can be produced with variations in a specific characteristic, we say it is produced 'in' those variations.
Clothing is made in different sizes
Paint is made in different colors
Doorknobs are manufactured in aluminum, steel and brass
So when we are talking about one instance of such an object we can also say that it is in a specific one of its variations.
A dress in (a) size 12
An exterior paint in blue
A round doorknob in brass
In the example, 'We have this dress in a size 12', the speaker is referring to the model or style of the dress. To express the full idea explicitly you could say
This dress model is made in different sizes. We have a dress that is in this model that was made in size 12.
(Dresses are made in different models and each model is made in different sizes!)
When talking about a specific instance of a dress, or other object that comes in variations, it is more clear to use your first example instead of your second, in order to avoid confusing the individual dress that is a size 12 with the model of dress that comes in many different sizes.
This is an idiomatic usage of the word 'in' that doesn't have a clear intuitive relationship to other uses of the word, which is why it's so confusing and hard to explain.
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