First, I understood that "you could have" = "you should do that in the past" as: "You could have done better on your exam." But, in these sentences, I see that it means "you shouldn't do that in the past" as: "You could have blown your chance." "You could have upset her by saying that." Now, I'm confused, what's the right meaning?
Answer
"you could have" = "you should do that in the past" No, it doesn't mean that :)
It means that there you had the possibility to do something in the past, but it did not happen.
And that meaning fits all your examples:
You could have done better on your exam. -> you had the possibility to do better (but you did not).
You could have blown your chance. -> you had the possibility to blow your chance (but you did not).
You could have upset her by saying that. -> you had the possibility to upset her (but you did not).
The precise meaning depends a bit on context if you want to paraphrase the sentences correctly, of course:
You could have done better on your exam. -> "I believe you were capable of doing better (But you didn't show that)."
You could have blown your chance. -> "You risked blowing your chance (But you were lucky, you still have a chance)."
You could have upset her by saying that. -> "What you said was potentially upsetting to her (But she showed understanding and did not get upset)."
But every time, the basic meaning is the same and does express a possibility, not an obligation to do or do not do something.
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